Hiking Consequences

For the sake of public safety, photographs of subject should only be taken from a distance.

I did the math today. So far, I’ve hiked 51.3 miles for my hiking book…and that accounts for only 1/4 of the hikes on my list.

So, to celebrate the first 50+ miles, here’s a nice little list of all the consequences involved:

Consequence #1: Hooves for Feet

Pedicures are on hold for the rest of 2012. It’s a battle already lost. After week #1, my soft, girly, summer feet were quickly replaced by scaly, harsh hooves. I accept this.

Consequence #2: Breakin’ Out

I’m constantly slathering my face with sunblock. On the trail, I sweat, dribble water all over my face, and my skin is infiltrated with this desert city’s filthy air. This all makes for some seriously clogged pores. It’s bad, people.

Consequence #3: Ouch

I’m sore all the time. Sure, I stretch. But with five hikes per week, there’s no escape from the general stiffness that comes with the accrued mileage.

Consequence #4: I’m Hungry

The good news is, I’m burning calories so I get to eat, eat, eat. The bad news is, if I haven’t gone to the grocery store and there’s no proper food in the house, I get to starve, starve, starve. Very inconvenient.

Consequence #5: General Lack of Cuteness

In the past three weeks, I have attended a scant four occasions for which I styled my hair and makeup. I’m not talking about nice occasions like weddings or dinners at fancy restaurants. I’m strictly referring to occasions in which I find it necessary to employ the minimal preparations to increase my physical attractiveness (e.g. I blow dry my bangs, cover my pimples with makeup, put on mascara, and find an outfit that doesn’t include elastic waist-banded pants).