Hot, Hot, Hot

By SashaW on flickr Creative Commons.

It doesn’t have to be like this.

On Tuesday, I hiked 2.6 miles with my mother. We started at 5 p.m. and the entire hike was in full sun. The high for the day was 112 degrees.

We survived. And we did it without complaining.

In fact, I rarely complain about the heat anymore. I’m more likely to get hostile about the “freezing” air conditioner.

Truth is, living in the heat isn’t that difficult…as long as you adopt these guidelines:

Tip #5: Give up on Being Clean Cute

It’s pretty much impossible to achieve the powdery, fresh-from-the shower look¬† in this kind of heat. I find that the only time I’m really bothered by the AZ summer temperatures is when I am trying to look cute in that sterile, clean way. So, instead, I channel the sexy power of a lady athlete, musician on stage, or dancer. I usually wear my hair up, adopt a cotton wardrobe, and scale back on the makeup. This way, if I get sweaty or flushed, I’m going more for a dewy,¬† just-got-done-with-a-roll-in-the-hay kind of look.

Tip #4: Embrace the Sweat

In my younger years, I was horrified if my perspiration created any kind of sweat stain on my clothing. Today, I’m not so freaked out. I try to avoid it by living in tank tops but if I do get a sweaty patch, forget it. It happens. When it’s 115 degrees out, there’s no shame in it. And, chances are, the dry air will soon suck moisture out of your fabric.

Tip #3: Adopt Ignorance

As soon as June hits, ignore all thermometers. Don’t watch the weather report or check your smartphone for the forecast. If you don’t look at the numbers, every single day will feel exactly the same: hot (with a shrug). If you see the numbers, however, you’ll only adopt a very tangible, nagging way to measure your misery.

Tip #2: Don’t Mention It

Really? It’s hot outside you say? I’m surprised to hear that.

Tip #1: Get Out

Get out of the house. My #1 defense against the heat is to get out in it and do stuff. Go on a walk, do yard work, hike, whatever. Just go out into the heat and gain some experience dealing with it. Before you know it, your body will acclimate, your misery will subside, and you’ll save money on your electricity bill because you won’t be cranking down your AC like a madman.

There. I release you from your Phoenix summer misery. To celebrate, listen to this.

Hiking Consequences

For the sake of public safety, photographs of subject should only be taken from a distance.

I did the math today. So far, I’ve hiked 51.3 miles for my hiking book…and that accounts for only 1/4 of the hikes on my list.

So, to celebrate the first 50+ miles, here’s a nice little list of all the consequences involved:

Consequence #1: Hooves for Feet

Pedicures are on hold for the rest of 2012. It’s a battle already lost. After week #1, my soft, girly, summer feet were quickly replaced by scaly, harsh hooves. I accept this.

Consequence #2: Breakin’ Out

I’m constantly slathering my face with sunblock. On the trail, I sweat, dribble water all over my face, and my skin is infiltrated with this desert city’s filthy air. This all makes for some seriously clogged pores. It’s bad, people.

Consequence #3: Ouch

I’m sore all the time. Sure, I stretch. But with five hikes per week, there’s no escape from the general stiffness that comes with the accrued mileage.

Consequence #4: I’m Hungry

The good news is, I’m burning calories so I get to eat, eat, eat. The bad news is, if I haven’t gone to the grocery store and there’s no proper food in the house, I get to starve, starve, starve. Very inconvenient.

Consequence #5: General Lack of Cuteness

In the past three weeks, I have attended a scant four occasions for which I styled my hair and makeup. I’m not talking about nice occasions like weddings or dinners at fancy restaurants. I’m strictly referring to occasions in which I find it necessary to employ the minimal preparations to increase my physical attractiveness (e.g. I blow dry my bangs, cover my pimples with makeup, put on mascara, and find an outfit that doesn’t include elastic waist-banded pants).

Some News

By jared, Flickr Creative Commons.

I saw one of these rascals last night.

I don’t have any news that can fill an entire post so here’s a list of things that have happened in the last few days.

1. The Broke-Ass Bride blog posted one of my pieces! Remember the blog about my mom sewing my wedding dress? Read it again here (and see a really great photo of my mother as a kid).

2. I saw a rattlesnake on the trail last night. It was sitting about 4 feet from the trail. It rattled at some other hikers and they warned us about it. We walked around it. The end.

3. I slipped and fell on the trail last night. Thankfully, this was far away from the rattlesnake. But I scraped my shin and knee. Then I accepted my fate: I’m going to look like a rowdy tomboy for the rest of the summer.

4. I took Bruce (our cat) to the veterinarian. He was so terrified, he latched on to me and cuddled. I couldn’t help it, I relished in his affection.

5. I cried. I watched 12 Monkeys over the weekend and I cried at the end when (spoiler) Bruce Willis dies. Because, of course, I couldn’t stop thinking about how devastated I would be if Lou got shot to death in an airport.